She Remembers
by riversong15
Summary: Stef remembers her father in the many ways he showed that he cared. Stef/Frank one shot.


Author's Note: Hey, it riversong15 again. Before I posted my next story (Brallie BTW) I wanted to try something that had nothing to do with Brandon and Callie and love and stuff. Stef's relationship with her father reminds me of my relationship with my non-religious friends. We do not share the same morals and I feel that it creates a wedge between my friends and I (at one point I almost lost a friend). I hope you enjoy this quick one-shot I wrote up.

* * *

Stef remembers when her father was the best in the world. She remembers when he would spin her around and call her his little princess (she had a crown and everything).

She remembers when he would stay up all night with her to finish a project (said they would get it all done in a few hours).

She remembers the warning stares he gave to the first boy that asked her out (she was 13 and the boy was nerdy little Jonathan).

But she also remembers the talks he gave her. The time she arrived home, after curfew and he sat her down to tell her about how people wear masks and seems like they care but they just want one thing from you. And when they take that thing from you, they abandon you (like she was a bag of chips, ripped open, emptied, and thrown away).

She remembers his rage when he caught her smoking a cigarette (it was her first time).

She remembers the disapproval on his face when she chose to wear a two-piece to the beach instead of the shapeless one piece (she was "becoming a woman", her mother said.)

She remembers the first time she got drunk, somehow managing to call her father on a pay phone a mile away from where she got the drinks. She can still feel the cold wind on her bare legs, her arms shivering from the lack of a jacket, and the relief from when he drove up. He took her home and helped her get to bed, and she thought there would be no questions asked, until she woke up and found her door and windows locked, and his shadow under her door, keeping everyone out and letting no one in until she repented for her sins (it lasted the entire day).

She remembers the first time she met Mike in the Academy. She remembers their first date, him trying to cook for her and failing (they never had fish again).

She remembers when she brought him over for Thanksgiving, her father beaming when Mike told him about his own spiritual belief, "Was born into the church," he boasted, winking at Stef when they recall how long it really lasted (until he was 19).

She remembers when she first got pregnant, her father crying when she showed him his new grandson, shouting how he would become a baseball fan whether he liked it or not (She remembers his first word being "Padres).

She remembers him comforting her when she and Mike first separated, after he came home drunk one too many times (he was the one to tell her to give him some time).

But nothing burned her memory more than his face when she told her father she was a lesbian. It wasn't rage, happiness, or confusion. It was sadness. He cried in front of her, telling her how sorry he was for not making her stay in the church, for telling her to give Mike some space, for not being a good enough father (like it was his fault she was a lesbian).

She didn't speak to him for weeks afterwards, telling her mom to tell him she wouldn't forgive him for something he didn't do wrong. It wasn't wrong that she fell in love with Lena. He didn't have a right to blame himself. Her love for Lena had nothing to do with him. But he wouldn't accept it. He wouldn't accept her. And she couldn't forgive him for not understanding, even though that wasn't his fault. How could he change his values after 50 years of thinking it was what mattered the most? How could he tell people to be set on their beliefs when he couldn't do that himself?

…

"You two are exactly the same," her mother said.

"Don't even compare me to that bigot. He won't even speak to me."

"Because you won't speak to him. He doesn't want to talk to you until things have settled a bit."

"I'm not the one that's unsettling things. He's the one that made this all about him."

"And you told him that?"

"He should know it already."

"Well he doesn't. He's not a mind reader, and he doesn't know everything, which is pretty obvious."

"I'm not the one creating the problem."

"No, but you are the one that should put a stop to it. Come on Stefanie," she put her hands on her shoulders, "you don't want something like this to tear you two apart. You'll regret it for the rest of your life."

"I just don't think that we can fix things right now."

"Honey, you don't need to fix things. You just need to make it last a little longer. Just make sure you don't loose each other forever okay?"

So, Stef spoke to Frank and they agreed not to blame each other for how they reacted (at least not externally). This lasted for a few months until Stef suddenly brought home Marianna and Jesus, and Frank put in his two cents about how she shouldn't be taking in strays and that she needs to focus on Brandon's well-being, but Stef put her foot down and the rift was there again (if not larger and deeper than before).

Stef remembers when Frank invited them over to watch the Padres game, and she brought everyone, including the now integrated Marianna and Jesus. She remembers when Jesus showed more interest in the game than Brandon and Marianna, that compelled Frank to take him to his first game a few weeks later, bringing home an ecstatic Jesus afterwards (Frank bought him too many sweets).

She remembers how this act of acceptance to her new children was the start of them mending their relationship, a bridge forming. This bridge extended over their rift, not fixing it but providing them a way to reach each other.

The next few years brought them to a middle ground. He doesn't say anything bad about her family and she doesn't ice him out when he brings up his politics. Their relationship was never back, to where it was 10 years ago, but they had found a solution.

She remembers when her mom told her about her dad's heart problems. She remembers promising to buy all of his food for the next 3 years, a promise she kept (even if he didn't like her veggie burgers). She remembers how he cried when Brandon won his first competition (even if he never admitted it).

She remembers when she told her dad she was marrying Lena. She remembers walking into his house, palms sweating and a voice telling her, she was making a big mistake (turns out it was his voice that burrowed its way into her head). She remembers how he struggled to say he was happy for her ("I never thought you would get married again," he said). She remembers how her mood changed whenever someone brought up the wedding after talking to him ("Its just some stupid wedding!" She yelled).

She remembers her last real conversation with him. She remembers how heartbroken she was when he just stood there, accepting that he wasn't going to the wedding (but did she really expect anything else?).

She remembers the last time she saw him, her anger as apparent as the sun shining in the sky. She remembers how she didn't smile or say I love you. She remembers how unhappy he was when she didn't take the car (the bribe as she thought of it). She remembers how resolved she had been not to take the car from him (it would be like surrendering).

But her last memory of him was the one she remembered the least. It had only lasted less than a minute, with her finding him sleeping while watching the game (he did that a lot). She didn't think about how he didn't move even after she screamed and shook him. She didn't think about how his face held no emotion, even when the Padres won.

She didn't think about it because it wasn't a memory she wanted. She didn't want to think that she had left her father to die alone, in his house, because she was too offended to let him apologize for not coming to the wedding. She didn't want to think about how her mother was now wearing her father's jacket. She didn't want to think about how Lena wants to add another family member to their crowded household.

She just wanted to sit in the Toyota, watch the snowflakes fall, and hold on to this last gift her father had given her. And she finally realized what her father was saying when he gave it to her. It wasn't "I'm not a good father." It wasn't "I'm trying to win your love back."

It was "I'm sorry."

"I can't forgive you for missing the wedding Dad. I can't forget how many times you told me what you really thought of my choices. But I can accept that you did what you thought was best. And if I can accept what you did, then I believe you could accept what I did."

"I wish I told you this in person. I wish I could have properly thanked you, not just for the car, but for everything, you ever did for me. You weren't the best father, but then again, I haven't been the best mother. And how can I judge you harsher than I judge myself? How can I judge you at all when you have only done your best, the same as Lena and I, even Mike? As hard as we all try, none of us are perfect parents."

"So I hope that you are listening to me right now. I hope what you believed in was all worth it just to see those pearly gates open wide for you. I hope you will watch over my family, especially my children, for while they do have Lena and I, who love them unconditionally, they don't have you. They don't have someone that will care for them as much as you did for me. And I will always feel lucky that you loved me enough to care so much, even if I didn't want it."

"Thank you for the fights, the snow, the tears, and the comfort, everything that I remember you for. Thank you for the memories. Thanks for everything."

"I love you Dad. And I will always remember."

The End.


End file.
